Do Over, Do Over....

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday
by Bill in Portland Maine
Thu Oct 20, 2005 at 05:51:39 AM PDT

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

Dear United Nations,

How are you? If you don't count our hurricanes, deficit, inflation, gas prices, busted healthcare system, poverty, corruption and cronyism, we are fine. We hope this letter finds you fine, too.

This is to inform you that this Iraq thing isn't working out to our satisfaction. Our "allies" in Europe were off in their estimation of Saddam's weapons of mass destruction. The insurgency simply will not play ball. And now it would appear---how to put this---that we are simply not able to rebuild Iraq and make it the shining model of democracy in the Middle East we promised. But before you get all worked up, please understand there are good and sensible reasons for this:

...because soaring security costs, mismanagement and poor planning have cost billons of dollars, federal auditors said Tuesday. Some projects---including those to provide clean water for Iraqis---have been cancelled as a result.

The Bush administration expected Iraqi oil revenues to help foot the bill. Instead, Iraq is spending $300 million a month to import refined gasoline because it doesn't have enough refineries, Bowen said. One potential pot of money - the $30 billion United Nations Iraqi oil-for-food program - is about $8 billion short because of thievery and poor recordkeeping, he said.

In a related development, congressmen from both parties blasted the Department of Defense's acting inspector general, Thomas Gimble, because his agency quietly pulled all its auditors and criminal investigators out of Iraq a year ago, a fact Knight Ridder reported on Monday. Subcommittee Chairman Christopher Shays, R-Conn., called it "a bad decision."

Naturally, we blame the French. So, in the interest of fair play, we would like a do-over. Since you are in charge of rebuilding the world (and gosh if you don't do a bang-up job, so to speak), we request that you put it back the way it was before, say, March 20 of 2003, so we can try again. Can you complete this on a Januaryish time frame?

Sincerely,

The White House

P.S. If you could scatter some significant quantities of uranium from Africa around Tikrit and Baghdad and areas east, west, south and north somewhat this time around, that would make our second attempt much more pleasant. Thanks loads.

cc: Mars