And You Say You’re not a Union Man

by Scott Mehno

“It needs to end and it needs to end right now,” so crowed Mayor Multi-Billionaire-Bloomberg, on only the second day of the New York City transit strike, echoing the feeble finger-wagging I usually give my four year old son (somebody should tell Bloomy it usually takes 3 warnings for the more obstinate youngins’ to even lift their head up) after my first-born has made the umpteenth imprint of his butt out of the ump-umpteenth new can of play dough I just bought for him.

Bloomberg, of course, is scrambling to fit into a slightly tougher role here, that of the Papa-Guliani variety, trying to win the hearts and minds of 7 million New Yorkers who have had to hitch a ride (or walk) the last couple of days, an increasingly spoiled, whiny lot by the way, who have become a little too accustomed to their professional victim status after 9/11 (one moron crying on the idiotic MSNBC ‘How Has The Strike Affected You?’ blogged about how she is going to miss all her college finals now, boo hoo.) Are you kidding me? Five days before Christmas and the city’s political hacks hand you a ‘Get To F***k Off Free Card like this one, and you’re crying ‘cause you’re missing school?

The good news, Huffpost bloggers, is you can stop the 24/7 What-the-f**k’s wrong-with-America search right now – the crybaby reaction to this strike clues us in to precisely what our problem is - and particularly New York City. It’s gone P***y! I mean, 20 years ago, what self respecting student or office-worker-schnozz wouldn’t be rooting for even a hint of chaos like this, handing you a once-in-a lifetime-excuse to miss work, miss school, and punch-out for the holidays early – an excuse so righteous, by the way, you can even use it to shit-can the dreaded holiday trip home – and languish, quite anonymously, until the sure-to-come court-induced-back-to-work order crashes this glorious, mutual cluster F**k, so cynically manipulated by the media (complete with Bloomberg’s messianic walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, media dolts falling over themselves with praise about how the fake subway-rider is now fake-walking.)

But hey, it doesn’t even matter who is right or wrong – the headline is too easy: WE’RE INCONVENIENCED, GODAMMIT. And just in case you thought the New York City Policemen and Firemen weren’t being honored enough (notice how the media has to somehow manage to stroke them in every New York crisis, as if to ward off the cryptic possibility that they may walk off the job themselves at any time) Former Mayor Ed Koch was laying pipe to any broadcast outlet who’d listen about what a great job MTA Shill #1 and Shill #2 we’re doing for us, Mayor Multi-Billionaire and Governor Pataki (not even 4 hours into the strike) as they took us by-the-hand, on our hands and knees if necessary, leading the noble lot that we are to 7 million jobs we f****ng hate in the first place!

And you say you’re not a union man.