Mad About Mary - New York Times
The New York Times

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January 30, 2007
Guest Columnist
Mad About Mary
By STACY SCHIFF

Once upon a time, asking about someone's children was like talking about the
weather. Then again, once upon a time talking about the weather was also
like
talking about the weather - not a portal into the political or the
apocalyptic. But that's another story. The point is that children made for
the kind
of paltry social currency you could exchange with your in-flight neighbor,
back when the only other option might have been: "As you're carrying that
knife
and wearing full camouflage, is it safe to conclude that the vegetarian meal
is mine?" Then came children as designer accessories and politically charged
pawns, appendages and admissions statistics.

Suddenly, we are on treacherous ground. For starters, Angelina Jolie and
Madonna can't even agree on where babies come from. I thrill as quickly as
the
next People subscriber to a good catfight, but do we really need Angelina -
who appears to have taken No Child Left Behind as her personal mantra -
trashing
celebrities for "jumping on the adoption bandwagon?"

As her swearing-in made clear, even Nancy Pelosi feels the need to
accessorize, not something I would have thought a woman with a gavel would
ever need
to do. Yes, by comparison the back of the House looked like a bouncer
convention. But the dais looked like a Sunday school class. Which raises a
parenthetical
question: Do female politicians have to kiss babies? For that matter - this
question is for someone other than Senator Boxer or Secretary Rice - do they
need to have babies?

There are now officially only two people left in America who don't want to
talk about their kids. When Jim Webb bowed out of that White House receiving
line, President Bush tracked him down and asked after his son. Senator Webb
is a former Navy secretary; he knows his protocol. He is also one of only a
few members of the U.S. Senate with children serving in the military. "I'd
like to get them out of Iraq, Mr. President," Mr. Webb replied. "That's not
what I asked you," Mr. Bush snapped. Mr. Webb didn't really mean to answer,
either. Evidently, he meant to slug the president.

Last week Wolf Blitzer asked Dick Cheney about his pregnant lesbian
daughter. The vice president looked as if his arm had made contact with that
meat grinder.
Mr. Blitzer was, he growled, seriously out of line.

Neither Senator Webb nor Vice President Cheney wins points for his social
graces. But what Letitia Baldrige said of the Webb encounter - "It was an
uncivil
reply to an uncivil remark" - does not apply equally to the vice president.
Mr. Cheney has openly promoted an anti-gay agenda. His own base has called
his daughter's pregnancy unconscionable. Family values have been his calling
card. And our Prohibitionist vice president can't summon the courage to
address
the gin mill in the basement?

Mr. Webb was rude on principle; Mr. Cheney rude out of hypocrisy. One man
took a stand. The other scurried away.

What the vice president's nonresponse did deliver was a very cogent message:
the rules apply to you, but not to us. It's our privacy, your patriotism;
our
delusion, your sacrifice; our tax cuts, your kids. After all, as Mr. Cheney
so tellingly said of his Republican critics, "I'm the vice president, and
they're
not." The part for which some of us have no stomach is the sense of
entitlement.

An annoying thing about children is that they nudge you toward the high road
and the long view. They demand pesky things like open-mindedness,
self-denial,
accountability, leadership and occasionally even integrity - qualities that
appear to have packed up and gone home with Hans Blix. Once upon a time, you
might have termed them family values.

So as to spare Mr. Cheney any further misadventures in this minefield, I did
a little research for him. Several years ago, Ms. Baldrige foresaw his
predicament.
"A lesbian's parents may be the victims of probing, mean questions from
their friends," she wrote. "Hopefully, they will answer unequivocally that
they
stand by their child and accept her decision."

As for gay and lesbian couples, they are families, too, in Ms. Baldrige's
book. They are also increasingly common, "so people who feel shy and uptight
with
them are just going to have to get over it." Alternatively, they are welcome
to talk about the weather.

Stacy Schiff is the author, most recently, of "A Great Improvisation:
Franklin, France and the Birth of America." She is a guest columnist.

Posted by Miriam V.