Why Cheney won't go

Republicans have been floating the notion that Dick Cheney might step down after the 2006 elections to remove a "hate magnet" from the Bush administration and let the president give someone else a leg-up on 2008. Bob Schieffer asked Cheney about the idea over the weekend. His response? Forget it. "I didn't ask for this job," Cheney said. "I didn't campaign for it. I got drafted. And delighted to serve. And it's been the highlight of my career, to be part of this administration. I've now been elected to a second term; I'll serve out my term."

So Cheney's staying -- or at least so he says -- and David Letterman has the top 10 reasons why:

10. Trying to fix up Condi Rice with his daughter.

9. Turns out when you shoot somebody, if you're not vice president, you gotta do time.

8. Bush leaves at two every day, and then it's margaritas and Fritos.

7. Set the solitare high score on his office computer.

6. Wants to see if he can help Bush get his approval rating under 10.

5. Too hard to give up Vice Presidential Discount at D.C. area Sam Goody stores.

4. Wants to stay on the job until every country in the world hates us.

3. Extra-zappy White House defibrillators.

2. Undisclosed location has foosball and whores.

And the No. 1 reason Dick Cheney won't resign: Why quit when things are going so well?