Karl Rove is no doubt kicking himself for not turning on Pastor Ted to the stud services of Jeff Gannon for his secret gay trysts. Gannon's right-wing ideological purity is unquestioned, and he is the Republicans' first choice for a good male escort "top" to satiate their healthy appetites for rough, sweaty man-on-man sex.

Gannon, who was welcomed at the White House throughout Bush's first term and even posed as a journalist in the press corps, would never "out" one of his fellow Republicans less than a week before a pivotal midterm election. Gannon is the kind of gay male escort Republicans love: he could be counted on to satisfy Pastor Ted's monthly needs, and then go out and remind good Christians to cast their votes against gay marriage.

-Joseph A. Palermo